MEMOIRS

Collection No. 02 

Memoirs is a fully interactive, growing series that is built from real individual's stories. Each piece is directly inspired from an event in someone's life, and transformed into art. 

 

Healing and closure is often felt after seeing something once internalized, now deciphered and expressed in a tangible form.

Every story is interpreted and considered holistically. For each, a piece of music is found to go with the creative process as well different texts and phrases that materialize.

"Everyone's parents mess them up somehow. I was raised by two incredible, loving, talented alcoholics in denial whom I adore. They're not just alcoholics in denial though; they're just generally in denial. I'm an only child. The closest connection I had was with a boy who eventually sexually abused me for months The most frustrating part is coming to terms with the shoulda coulda woulda. I finally like myself now, but those years of pain and struggling were basically unnecessary. I feel like my potential has been stunted by these struggles - how incredible could I be right now if I didn’t have to deal with all that bullshit? My anorexia and the sexual abuse stem directly from my low self esteem. I can’t help and think about the possibility that if I had gotten treatment for my anxiety when it started, that it wouldn’t have gotten so out of control, and my self esteem wouldn’t have been destroyed. And it’s not over, it’s just different struggles, and it probably always will be. Of course I can’t blame my parents for all of this. They didn’t want any of this to happen, and it would break their heart to know about most of it. They tried their absolute best, and I know they love me more than anything. But they’re deniers, and I am not." [full essay on instagram post]

Play:

Liability (Reprise) // Lorde

"How can you not believe in Aliens? It would be crazy to believe that we are the only living creatures in a universe spanning possibly infinite light years. Our emotional world is made up of what we know and what we love, but our physical world is just one piece of the cosmos that belongs to 100 billion more galaxies. Who’s to say there isn’t a parallel universe where you are me and I am you?"

Play:

Flight of the Navigator // Childish Gambino 

"I’m adopted. This semi-known fact about me has never caused any big problems in my life, but recently I reconnected with my birth mom and, as teenagers do, stalked her social medias for a while. I found out the scoop on my half sister Velda, the one I’ve met before, and then my other half sister, the one that I didn’t know existed until a few weeks ago. My birth mom and her family live in Alaska, and seeing all those pictures of her happy life sent me into a whirlwind of thoughts. What would’ve happened if she hadn’t given me up for adoption? I’m infinitely grateful that she did, because otherwise I wouldn’t have all these amazing people (my family, my friends) in my life, but another part of me can’t help but feel stung and a little bittersweet by how much she cares for and is involved in the lives of my half sisters. Part of me is overjoyed with the life I have now, but part of me wonders - I know that she wasn’t ready or able to care for me when she gave birth to me, and it’s logical and it makes sense why she gave me up and I’ve long accepted it, but still, I can’t help but have senseless thoughts about the matter. Why them, and not me? And furthermore, would she be proud of me? We haven’t talked in a while, and obviously she isn’t very involved in my life at all, but does she care when it’s my birthday or when I have plays or emotional breakdowns or about the fact that I graduate in eight months? Should I invite her to that? Do I do enough good in my life to overshadow the bad decisions I make? Are my parents proud of me? Have I made them proud? I guess sometimes I just feel like my mind is pulling my thoughts in two completely different directions, and sometimes I care too much what people think, and sometimes that’s a really shitty combination. "

"A lot of aspects of my life are up in the air right now. But I'm not phased by it. I actually love this time in my life. I'm alive and so lucky to still be. I can create without consequence, look at the all the art in the world and just let it inspire me. This is the period of time I happened to be born into and the Earth I have. After all, we are all just little orbs floating around in this universe, like tiny masterpieces. Making connections, creating, and loving."

Play:

Get 'Em Up//Anderson.paak

"He never really listened. To him, I was nothing but a matter of convenience. I was there to listen to his problems. Back and forth for nearly a year and I still don't think he ever got to really know me. What I wanted to be when I grew up, my passions, my sense of humor, the books I loved. That I was someone so colorful and amazing and he will never know. I can't remember what we did when we were together. I wanted to leave but something made it impossible. I fell for the feeling of having someone there. No matter the manipulation. I think that I thought it was what I deserved, he knew I had been going through the hardest time of my life and he took advantage of my weakness and vulnerability. He told me I was disloyal, as though he wasn't already seeing someone else, as though anything about our relationship was real. When I was with him my self respect and worth were near non-existent. I was being pulled down, like an anchor into the sea. And I have a fear of the ocean."
 

Play:

Hostage//Billie Eilish

"I used to keep a diary. Maybe it sounds dramatic but that was probably the only place where I was truly myself, the most pure expression of me on the pages. It was like the system manual to my soul. I wrote poetry, and a lot of it. I wrote what I felt, what I saw, how I believed the universe worked. I even sketched in it, figure drawings, naked women, bodies, all line drawings. I wrote about my sexuality, I was comfortable with it and expressed it how I wanted. I thought it was beautiful. I wasn't raised like my friends were. I have different interests, perspectives and history. At the core, I sometimes feel like an entirely different person. I see things differently, sometimes it like they don't even see what I see, or feel what I feel. I don't show it. On the surface you would never know. One day, she found my diary. She opened one page and I immediately felt embarrassed. Fearful. Angry. I shut it and acted like it was nothing, but I didn't know what came over me. It was like I didn't want that side of myself to be known and I don't know why. Maybe one day I should show someone."

Play:

A Little More Time//Ciaran Lavery

"Collectively, everyone is trying to live their version of a happy life, but I feel like I am somehow inevitably shut down in one way or another. It makes me create different personas of myself, and I keep changing myself in hopes to find myself, but none of them work. It's a feeling of instability, but at the same time creates a connection between all of us as we all go through it separately yet together. The world is terrifying; mental illness has been the greatest obstacle in front of my dreams. I'm not alone however. In the end though, we all feel it together."

Play:

Our Lives // Nikita Kara

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